Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
