I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
