I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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