Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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