it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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