I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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