I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
