She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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