there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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