Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.