What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Come see our sink grown plant.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
