Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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