After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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