I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize