I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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