What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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