That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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