I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.