Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
