she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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