i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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