you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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