I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize