I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
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This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.