Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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