mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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