I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We talked him into tasing himself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
