I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
