I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
