I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
