i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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