i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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