3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
