I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
