he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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