So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
