It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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