my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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