She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
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I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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