Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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