covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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