my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize