Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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