and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
