the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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