I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize