My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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