I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize