my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize