He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
